Where does Time Go

As I sit here watching another NCAA championship softball game I wonder where has time flown too.... i have always heard that when you grow up life seems to move faster each and everyday. That is never more true then when you lose someone you are close to and love. Last year on July 15,2010 I celebrated my 15 year anniversary with my husband. While it was to be a special day it was an awful day. Earlier that day I had spent the day with my dad taking him to drs in Charlottesville VA. My three kids were with us that day. We talked about everything under the sun, we even sang camp songs that my kids learned the year before.
That evening while on the way to softball practice mom called and said something is really wrong with dad and she was calling 911. I asked if i needed to come home, and she said no she would call from hospital and that for us to go to practice. we drove to Roanoke about an hr from our house and Tori had just taken a couple of warm up flies when we got the call we needed to come back. While it normally is an hour drive it felt like it was 3 hours. We couldn't get home fast enough. While dad had already passed away no had told me. Just like that someone is gone that you love and there is nothing for you to do. Dad and mom always raised me to believe that God is the one who holds our time clock and when its time to go then its time to punch the ticket to heaven or hell. I have to believe that or I would go crazy in learning to live without my dad.
While everyone doesn't have a perfect relationship there was never one time I questioned my dad's love or undying support. I am so much like him that without him here has been tough. While i always will love my mom its not the same without my dad. As much as you want to be angry that your dad died @ 58 and you are 34 and your children were 11,9,7, you cant because if I am then I go against everything I was ever taught.. The Lord is the one who controls my life and I need to believe that he knows what is best. This hasn't been an easy year, in fact it has been tough. Mom and I all the time argue and fuss at each other, and I have always knew we were different, and dad was always the buffer.. This isn't to say I don't love her but if i hear her say to me you just don't understand your husband is still here one more time I may scream. Did she forget she still has her father and mine isn't here anymore? Sometimes its hard to know what to say when people yell and scream things at you. While I can only excuse grieving for so long, because we all are just in a different way and for different reasons, one being a spouse, best friend, lover and parent. It is frustrating dealing with pain and still trying to understand what other people are going through.
So next month dads anniversary in Heaven will be a year, and 16years of marriage so what do you celebrate the life that is no longer here but having the time of life or our marriage. It definitely will be strange and all this to say that no matter what family is family and this too we shall get through. And so another year has gone here on earth and pray it becomes better through each passing day.